Being home in VA and meeting old friends has me both feeling convicted and distant.
Ever since we have left the youth group of217, my walk with the Lord has declined. I haven't fallen into any sinful ways per se, but just haven't been actively pursuing the Lord and His ministry. I have especially become distant since moving to Texas. In Texas, I have no friends, work in a secular environment (a prison on top of that), no accountability, no christian fellowship, can only attend church every other week at best because of my schedule, etc. Meeting old friends and attending BCF here in VA has brought to my attention how distant from the Lord I am. I'm especially feeling it tonight after meeting with one of the high school students (who is no longer in high school) that I worked with when I was involved in the youth ministry. He reminded me of the times in my life when worship, bible study, fellowship, and discipleship were integrated parts of it. And now, I have none of those. Yes, I try to listen to the Bible during my commute to work, but it is so early in the morning, my mind is incapable of retaining much of it. I feel so distant from the Lord to the point where I was struggling with a lack of desire to become close again. Until this trip. And now, conviction, longing, and fear have taken root in my heart; conviction because I'm so far from the Lord, longing to return to Him, longing for the tight community and friendship like I used to have, and fear that when I return to the trenches of life in Texas that I will forget how I feel tonight and return to the way things were.
Anyway, Barnes and Noble is closing thus I have to leave. I pray that the Lord will preserve these convictions and desires when I return to Texas and draw me back to His side. I pray that He will once again provide my wife and I godly fellowship and a means for being sharpened as iron sharpens iron. Amen.